Category: Writers Block
I'm typically pretty shy about my writing, and I don't think it's that grate. But I would appreciate your feedback. This was sort of something I wrote when I wanted to peel away, and start a new chapter in my life. Hope you enjoy?
Sometimes life isn’t so simple.
Sometimes goodbye is the only way
I destroyed your soul
You destroyed my confidence
When the memories turn the corner I never thought I lost this
My life is a fire, my heart is a blaze
Get a shot of numbness and rip away the pain
You were the bandade in my life
The one whom I loved and could confide
But just like a burning scab
The love we once had lags
tears at the breast of the ocean fall from me
Never dreamed the past would end
But onward does lifes long road bend
And so with my soul
And shadow to keep
You blew away any pretence like a blowing leaf
The stars sing an anthom in the night sky
Here I stand asking for closure screaming why!
I never was your hopes and dreams abode
But I wanted to speak: see if I could lift that load
For every shadow of doubt that falls upon your eye
Could you at least love and forgive me my wrongs before you dy.
I know not when hence this deemond of loneliness came forth
But the jolts of happiness were my nostalgia
My refuce
Here I stand, with eyes and self wide open
I’m a child in my ways
A fool in my doubts
Still trying to understand
What’s the flowing river of life about?
I’ll shake away my adolescent tears
I’ll wipe away my fears
Knowing all the while from the dark you leer
I’ve never met one so firery and so spontaneous
Through all these years
Still you took my heart and made cracks
Once again ripping this paper in half
How horrible I am
How wrong I was
I thought I had closure, I thought I had love
And so with my last breath to keep
The old cloaked figure that which you saw
Is no longer me!
Is no longer me!
dam! that's awesome! keep up the writing!
I'm glad you chose to post this. It can be daunting to post one's writing, especially when writing feedback isn't really what this site is known for.
I really liked this poem. I thought you had some really nice language. It's clear there was a lot of feeling put into this piece. I sense a mixture of emotion from your writing, which was nice to read.
Since you said you were looking for feedback, I leave you with this: There are lines which go on really long. WHen you read the poem aloud, some lines flow really well. Others stretch, I think mainly due to words. I admit I'm not nearly as comfortable giving feedback to poetry as I am to other writing, but I suggest keeping in mind the flow of your poem.
If you want me to explain myself a bit more, I'll be happy to do so. Otherwise, I'm glad you posted this, and I hope you get some productive feedback.
I like it, Amelia! You should post more of your stuff here.